Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize