somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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