apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
