I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
