this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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