Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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