we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
