did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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