i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
