There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
