dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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