sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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