i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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