it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
