living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
