You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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