hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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