my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
