Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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