The maid of honor just puked.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
