Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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