I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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