She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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