Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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