I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
