Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
