I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
