Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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