Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So here I am, sexting at work.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
