I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
