to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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