could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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