Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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