my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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