omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
