ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
