Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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