I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
