He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
