I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
