i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
