so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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