it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
