my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
