overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize