I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
