i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize