elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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