actually, I'm a sock model
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
