So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize