I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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