You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
