so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
