if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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