got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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