Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
