i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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