so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
