bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
