You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
