Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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