I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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