Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
