We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
