I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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