I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize